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Mariah Milan is an internationally published wedding photographer based on Maui serving all of Hawaii, California, Oregon, and Destinations Worldwide.

The mariah milan Journal

Family, Maui, My Own

Through Rock, Through Mud, Through Growth | Kahakuloa Photographer

The Last Time I Carried My Son

Through Rock, Through Mud, Through Growth – the last time I carried my son.

I knew the days of carrying Kai were coming to an end. He’s 10. With each day I could see the window closing. Ry and Cruz are already too big. I felt heartbroken that I don’t remember the last time that I carried them. How could I let that precious memory slip away?

So I made it a personal mission to document the last time I’d carry Kai. I scheduled an afternoon off as did Peter. I knew just where I wanted it to be. Then it started raining. “Are we doing it?” we kept asking each other. The clouds got heavier with rain and I didn’t feel my personal best but YES – we were doing this. It had to be that day.

So we headed to Kahakuloa in a light rain to the spot where the ferns grow out of rock. And there in the mud, Kai jumped into my arms and I held him until my arms failed me. It wasn’t glamourous. It was hard. And I cried. Ugly cried. Heaving tears and imprinting this memory into my brain, I was angry with myself that I couldn’t hold him up for a long time. I was scared that we didn’t get the shot that I had envisioned. This moment was literally done within a minutes time. ?

the last time I carried my son
What you see is a beautiful moment. But it was a rough moment. You don’t see the mud. You don’t see the hurting shoulders. You don’t see the part where I put all my weight onto my husband crying on the side of the road afterward.

But what we ended with is an image of such beauty I can’t even describe my happiness at documenting this time.
I Ka P? Me Ke Ao
The night and the day
The dark and the light

Moments like this are a #passionproject of mine – Showing the dark. Showing the light. Processing emotion.
If you’ve read this far, thank you! I hope I made you FEEL something today.


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